After losing my son, I didn’t want to be ‘strong’. For Milani’s mother, a former labor and delivery nurse, the pregnancy was defined by a persistent pain that didn’t feel normal. Despite her medical background, she knew the risks of a vertical uterine incision from a previous C-section, yet when she raised concerns, the response lacked the urgency she felt was necessary.
She experienced a uterine rupture, a serious complication. Her case highlights a broader issue within the healthcare system, particularly for Black women. As the founder of Mielle, she argues that the focus during Black Maternal Health Week must shift from just mortality rates to the reality of living after trauma and loss.
Black women are statistically three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white women, and nearly 80% of these deaths are considered preventable. Infant mortality rates for Black infants are also more than double those of white infants. These figures reflect a system that often normalizes Black women’s pain rather than responding to it, forcing many to calculate whether speaking up will make things worse.
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Survival is not the finish line
She notes that one in five women report mistreatment during maternity care, but for Black women, that figure climbs to nearly 30%. This statistic points to a culture that expects Black women to remain “strong” while handling medical emergencies, often dismissing their concerns or telling them to calm down.
She writes that grief does not follow a timeline. It becomes part of who you are, and healing begins not by outrunning it, but by acknowledging it. The author explains that returning to work and building her business after the loss can look like resilience, but the lesson should not be that Black women are uniquely equipped to carry devastating grief and still perform at a high level.
Survival is not the finish line. Being heard, protected, and cared for should be. The path to recovery involves acknowledging that pain was dismissed and that medical staff failed to provide adequate care. She emphasizes that the goal should be safety, not just survival.
